Love, Life, & Men

So my life and love have not been on the same page lately...seems like everything i touch turns to dust right before my eyes.

Mentally I am at the same place I was a couple months ago, ready for love and ready for a new adventure. Well an old flame decided to waltz back into my life and stirred up all sorts of emotions. I found myself getting quickly attached and falling hard for his mind games. I was just so happy that he came back to me after a few lonely months apart. I was so happy to find out that him and her didn't work out. Over the last couple months he has quickly made his way to the top of my priority list, catering to every need that he has. At first I thought it was a good thing, an answered prayer...I thought he was the one that I'd been waiting for. But then of course with all good things that happen to me follows a heart breaking blow to my reality.

One night in my drunken stuper (after a hard night of partying with my friends) I decided it would be a great idea to confess my love for him via text message. The next morning I just knew that I had done something stupid so I checked my messages and read what I had sent him. Oh was I embarassed. I quickly called him to apologize and explain myself and of course being the gentleman that he is, he told me not to worry about it and that it was okay. So i tried to let it go, but i couldn't help but wonder how he felt about me. So i kept pressing the issue and never really got the answer i was looking for, heck i didn't even get an answer at all.

so now i'm wondering should i stick around or just let it go...

every time i mess up he seems to punish me by ignoring me, but every time i come through for him he showers me with praise. He is full of mixed emotions and gives off confused vibes.

when it comes to him i really don't know what to do...its been almost 2yrs and i feel like we have come a long way, but we are still so far from everything we want.

hmmph

i digress

Barack Obama = CHANGE!

wow, I am so speechless right now, but I wanted to take this time to put my thoughts and feelings somewhere that i can go back and read whenever i get discouraged or feel like things are not possible. this is the most historical moment of my life, i really don't know if people feel what i'm saying. wow, i mean after years of being misunderstood and simply written off we finally have our chance to prove to america that we have a significant place in this country.

never in a million years would i have ever thought that a black man would become president, i can't believe that there is actually a black first lady and a black first family. wow, this gives me all the inspiration in the world to go after EVERY dream and goal i have. i remember when i first heard about the presidental candidates 2 years ago, i was so skeptical of obama but over the last year he has won my heart. i truly believe that he will act on his promises, his speech was excellent.

mccain's closing speech was classy, but his follwers not so much. they were disrespectful by booing and simply showing a lack of class, but his closing speech was good.

i'm so happy, and i can't express my feelings any other way...just crying and smiling. :))))

Nov. 4th *after voting*

so i just voted and it felt great! I'm kind of nervous, but excited about the results. i'm really hoping that we get the change that we so deserve, our country is at an all time low and i would love to see it make its way back to the top and be that admired place that everyone all over the globe dream of living one day.

I can't believe how historical this is, gosh i wonder what all the great civil leaders of the past would say right now. Man this is so awesome and there is so much emotion going through me right now. I never thought that I would ever see the possibilty of a black president....crazzzzzzzy. I always thought it was impossible. but this truly makes me feel like anything can happen.

right before i voted a friend sent me this video of these ignorant people at a mccain/palin rally, it proves that racism still exisit and isn't as hidden as it seems. these people were making statements calling obama a terrorist and a nigger...wth. one woman even said that obama was anti-white which didn't make a lick of sense considering that obama is half white and was even raised by his white grandmother(RIP). *sigh* it pains me to know that there are so many blind people out there who have no clue about the real world, they are like stuck in a time warp or something. this election isn't about race or gender, it is about voting in the right man (or woman) for the job.

i'm just happy that i have the oppurtunity to place my vote, because in the end it really does count...

It's no secret that I'm all for Obama/Biden, but good luck to both parties!