Thirsty Thursday!

Grrr! So i'm at work and I'm trying to finish up a few things before tomorrow and my stupid wi-fi keeps disconnecting...It's been doing this since I moved into this building and it's making me SO mad.

In other news.

So last night we had another successful Happy Hour/Cocktail night! I'm really proud of myself, I had the idea and sprung it into action. I think it's a lot of fun and a great way to get closer to people that are sometimes misunderstood. Last night after dinner/drinks we ended up going to the lounge in Belltown. It was a lot of fun and man I think I may have a new crush. LOL. I've seen this guy many times before but never have I had any 1:1 contact with him, well ever since I started wearing my hair natural he has been noticing me a lot more, usually before I even recognize him. Last night was no different, he spotted me (how could you miss the only black girl with a big afro) and he walked right over. We had a nice little convo about nothing, I smiled and nodded and he just talked and talked. He is the cutest thing my eyes ever did see. He is filipino, I have always said that if I join in the swirl whirl that I would either date a filipino or a white dude. There is something about this guys swag that is just off the ricktor scale...wow, i'm impressed.

I really don't think that I should have went out last night because I am SO sleepy and I am literally trying so hard just to keep my eyes open, its really tough. I just don't understand how I can have a job but be SO bored. Hopefully my next role will be much more fulfilling.

Tomorrow this time (Wow was that dislexic or what), this time tomorrow I will be in Vegas! I'm so excitied this is a much needed vacay so things will hopefully go smoothly. I am trying to work on focusing on just being me and having fun and not so much on men.

Over the last couple of days men of caused me so much trouble. Not going into because I have forgiven and forgetten so its done.

Aww 15 to 5, but I'm still going to be here a bit longer...

missin you

i can't believe that i may not see you or talk to you for 2 whole months, i wish i there was more that i could do...unfortunatley i'm stuck. but i miss you, this past weekend i did my best to keep my mind off of you, but of course your laugh and your voice kept creeping back into my mind. the last time i saw you everything was perfect, but i could sense your uncertainty for the events that were to take place the next day. i did my best to keep your mind off it and i tried so hard to just be a good friend. i knew that i was probaly not going to see you for a while after dinner that night, but i stayed strong for you.

gosh i just want to see you right now, i just wish that i could call you right now. as much as i am trying to stay strong i'm feeling so helpless....

i want to do more...i need to do more...

like i always tell you, i will do anything for you...

stay strong, think positive...i love you

Nappturality

i am finally comfortable with being natural...its a great feeling. i feel completly liberated, i have finally come to the realization that its not about hair...its how you rock it. what i mean by that is that you have to have confidence and when you don't it shows. this past weekend i pretty much threw caution to the wind and rocked my kinky curly fro, i felt so good for the first time in a long time. this weekend i got more compliments from random people then i have since going natural 10 months ago. its nuts! i think its the fact that i am comfortable with being different that people are attracted too. its funny because my brothers have always said that i look like jill scott, i don't see it but i guess others do...i got so many "i see you boo, doin it big gettin yo jill scott on" lol hilarious. i just laugh because i'm just like i'm tryin to do ME...but i feel good about it.

i'm happy that i'm finally accepting myself and working with my natural beauty and just in time for my vegas trip. dude the last time i went to vegas i was so caught up in the whole having to look bomb dot com that i lost myself. i was so easily convinced that my hair wasn't good enough to rock natural in vegas so i straightend my hair and wore a ponytail, and i tried to fit in but at the end of the day i felt like a sellout to myself. so this time around i'm going to do me and i don't care if people hate it or love it.

i know i'm beautiful and i finally believe it. after years of self doubt which stemmed from bad realationships and rejection from my younger years...im free because i LOVE me!

vegas pt.2

ok so me and my bestest friend in the whole entire universe are going to sin city this weekend! i'm so excited because it was completly at random and spontaneous. this time around we are mos def going to do things right, the last time we went it was fun but so unorganized. i don't know i'm a stickler for having an agenda/intinerary when traveling, it just keeps you on schedule and you can have more fun because you know your options. i'm just really excited to see my vegas boo and introduce him to my bff, im excited to go to some shows and just let loose and have fun.

the thing i love about vegas is that you can be someone else for the weekend, its like you can really live out loud...the environment down there is just like whoa, the lights, the people, the gambling, the shows, the celebs...man its just the greatest place on earth next to the south of france...but damn i'm excited.

Shady People

ok, so this is a slightly unedited continuation from my "quick rant" blog on myspace.

shady people are just on a whole notha level, like seriously how can you flat out be two faced. i have never understood that, its like you will say stuff to me that leads me to believe one thing and then when i see you out and about you will be the biggest douche ever. not so sure what thats all about, and i swear i thought we squashed that...but i guess you my friend still have issues.

i just hate feeling like i'm a bug a boo, when i'm the least clingy person you will ever meet. why do you think guys love me so much...i'm real and i give people their space. so when you have me thinking one thing and then you do some questionable shit its like damn are you for serious? ahhh, i just don't know what to think anymore.

this whole situation makes me feel like you are sizing me up, like you have to make sure i'm in the "in" crowd before you can actually take the time to get to know me. i hate when people do some elementary shit like that. i'm not begging you to be my friend/aquaintance...whatever you want to call it...shit i'm cool by my damn self. i love the people who are in my life right now...maybe you think i'm like obsessed with you or something, i dont know. but i feel like this, all my life i have been teased, made fun of, put down, rejected by my own damn people and others...so you igging me and acting hella shading is nothing new, been there done that and quite frankly i dont have time for it. i'm a nice person, a real human with feelings and emotions...im sorry i'm not that model chick but damn i haven't had any complaints so far. i am just over the whole thing...like this feels like a game to me...cat and mouse...tom and jerry type shit.

IDK, i just think people take my text and calls as more than what they are worth, you know...i think people assume that i'm like in love with them when i'm not...trust me if you were worth that much of my heart you would already know by now.

*sigh* i'm just going to continue to do me and when you decide that you are done rolling in that shady ass mud then you hit me up and let me know what's good.

i digress

*disclaimer* please do not sit at your computer and try to figure out who this is about, i'm not naming anyone, not even tryin to call anyone out, and you most likely don't know them. don't assume that you know, if you are curious just ask!

Random Tuesdays

today has been so random so far, like i woke up all energized singing that damn Flo Rida song Ayer. LOL picture me at the gas station, dancing to that song literally putting my hands in the "ayer ay ayer". Then I like get on the freeway to the beautifulness of no traffic! it was crazy because I left super late and I still got to work around the same time i do when I leave at 7:30, it was crazy. Then when i got to work i had to bust out laughing because I was thinking about my friend, lets call him George..he does these impressions of everyone in our crew and one in particular is just super hilarious. So I was like sitting in the car trying to recreate the moment...ahh it was too funny.

Now I'm like sitting in my office trying to debate if lunch is really that important, its raining cats and dogs outside...do I really want to walk to another building to get food or am I content chilling in my office until i go home? Damn that helped...i'm not about to walk in the rain...

OOH so i have a story from the weekend that will be continued in the next post...so read read read my luvs.

Love, Life, & Men

So my life and love have not been on the same page lately...seems like everything i touch turns to dust right before my eyes.

Mentally I am at the same place I was a couple months ago, ready for love and ready for a new adventure. Well an old flame decided to waltz back into my life and stirred up all sorts of emotions. I found myself getting quickly attached and falling hard for his mind games. I was just so happy that he came back to me after a few lonely months apart. I was so happy to find out that him and her didn't work out. Over the last couple months he has quickly made his way to the top of my priority list, catering to every need that he has. At first I thought it was a good thing, an answered prayer...I thought he was the one that I'd been waiting for. But then of course with all good things that happen to me follows a heart breaking blow to my reality.

One night in my drunken stuper (after a hard night of partying with my friends) I decided it would be a great idea to confess my love for him via text message. The next morning I just knew that I had done something stupid so I checked my messages and read what I had sent him. Oh was I embarassed. I quickly called him to apologize and explain myself and of course being the gentleman that he is, he told me not to worry about it and that it was okay. So i tried to let it go, but i couldn't help but wonder how he felt about me. So i kept pressing the issue and never really got the answer i was looking for, heck i didn't even get an answer at all.

so now i'm wondering should i stick around or just let it go...

every time i mess up he seems to punish me by ignoring me, but every time i come through for him he showers me with praise. He is full of mixed emotions and gives off confused vibes.

when it comes to him i really don't know what to do...its been almost 2yrs and i feel like we have come a long way, but we are still so far from everything we want.

hmmph

i digress

Barack Obama = CHANGE!

wow, I am so speechless right now, but I wanted to take this time to put my thoughts and feelings somewhere that i can go back and read whenever i get discouraged or feel like things are not possible. this is the most historical moment of my life, i really don't know if people feel what i'm saying. wow, i mean after years of being misunderstood and simply written off we finally have our chance to prove to america that we have a significant place in this country.

never in a million years would i have ever thought that a black man would become president, i can't believe that there is actually a black first lady and a black first family. wow, this gives me all the inspiration in the world to go after EVERY dream and goal i have. i remember when i first heard about the presidental candidates 2 years ago, i was so skeptical of obama but over the last year he has won my heart. i truly believe that he will act on his promises, his speech was excellent.

mccain's closing speech was classy, but his follwers not so much. they were disrespectful by booing and simply showing a lack of class, but his closing speech was good.

i'm so happy, and i can't express my feelings any other way...just crying and smiling. :))))

Nov. 4th *after voting*

so i just voted and it felt great! I'm kind of nervous, but excited about the results. i'm really hoping that we get the change that we so deserve, our country is at an all time low and i would love to see it make its way back to the top and be that admired place that everyone all over the globe dream of living one day.

I can't believe how historical this is, gosh i wonder what all the great civil leaders of the past would say right now. Man this is so awesome and there is so much emotion going through me right now. I never thought that I would ever see the possibilty of a black president....crazzzzzzzy. I always thought it was impossible. but this truly makes me feel like anything can happen.

right before i voted a friend sent me this video of these ignorant people at a mccain/palin rally, it proves that racism still exisit and isn't as hidden as it seems. these people were making statements calling obama a terrorist and a nigger...wth. one woman even said that obama was anti-white which didn't make a lick of sense considering that obama is half white and was even raised by his white grandmother(RIP). *sigh* it pains me to know that there are so many blind people out there who have no clue about the real world, they are like stuck in a time warp or something. this election isn't about race or gender, it is about voting in the right man (or woman) for the job.

i'm just happy that i have the oppurtunity to place my vote, because in the end it really does count...

It's no secret that I'm all for Obama/Biden, but good luck to both parties!