the changing world around me

it's been awhile since i've made a public post on here, well i guess its time...
so i'm having some reservations on certain relationships with a couple people in my life. i just feel like things are changing and i'm not sure if i can stop it. sometimes you have friends that you just know in your heart will always be in your life no matter what, good or bad they will always be there. you know the people that you know will be around for weddings, children, divorce *knock on wood*, random adventures, death...EVERYTHING!...but recently i've been noticing that things just aren't the same. i tried to let it go but i just couldn't shake the feeling that regardless of what i try to tell myself that fate is always in charge and if its gonna happen it will. i thought that maybe it was me, maybe i was the one who was changing and not caring anymore. but i knew that wasn't true because i'm always available for this person, well these people. i mean how could it be that the two people outside my family, the two people that i trusted and cared the most for have suddenly just stopped being "friends". yea i get the occasional text message or the random email, but what happened to the phone calls and the random "lets go have dinner", *sigh* maybe i'm just being a girl about things and im over analyzing everything. but i can't help it, i can feel a change coming. i don't trust these people anymore because they are no longer there for me like before. its like new people have come in and taken over and i got left behind; actually that is exactly what happened. honestly i'm used to this, but i typically don't let it get to me...i understand that people change and grow apart, but its different when you share so much but interact so little.


everything is just so interesting right now...


i know that at least one of these people isn't even aware that our friendship is even in jeopardy, and that could be my fault. but i know that this person just doesn't get it...they just don't understand when they need to stop and open their eyes and see whats really going on, ahhh and i've been down this road before, i just don't know if its worth it this time, i mean it is...without these 2 people i feel so alone, its weird. i know there are so many people out there who love me, but these two people have been there for me through thick and thin, they are the only 2 people who understand me and my passions. they keep me calm, so without them, i am alone. i have no one to confide in, no one to get advice from, no one to just chat about life with....so i know its worth it, but there are just so many variables that are causing a HUGE roadblock that i don't think i can break through.


maybe i should just take a break and walk away and see what happens...but then what does that solve...NOTHING. i am not afraid of anyone or anything, i'm not shy, i'm just me. hah i've even been told that i am very blunt, but hey if i have something to say i'm going to say it, why hold back, right? i hate confrontation and i rarely blow up unless i feel very strongly about something. maybe thats why i'm afraid to tackle this, i know that i care so much i just don't want to lose control...............*speechless*


blah....i digress