random talk and putting my life into perspective pt.1

dude i feel super narcissistic, i was updating my myspace page and i was realizing that i have almost 15 albums of myself...lol. they are from over the last 3 years so of course the older ones are private...but still that's a lot of pictures. i was reading up on narcissism and it says that a little bit of self obsession is healthy, so hopefully i'm not going overboard. i just really feel like i am super beautiful, is that weird? i'm not even a cocky person, there are lots of things that i can improve on, but i am in love with my reflection...i can like stare at myself for hours...lol well maybe not hours, maybe like 30min...hmmph...idk i'm special..hehe

wow it's 11:30, almost tuesday! this is my 7th blog today..eek. my mind has been in overdrive lately so excuse my excessive need to blog. today has just been one of those days when i feel all alone. seriously none of my "friends" texted me today *sad face*. i even sent some messages out and never received a response...oh wells guess people are too busy for lil ole me. i'm not worried, it was just an observation.

so i posted the link to this blog in a more visable place on my myspace so i'm sort of afraid of the views that i'm about to get. hopefully people will read the disclaimer and not get their undies in a bunch.

my brother comes back on friday and man things are going to change up again, not sure if i'm ready for it. i kind of got myself accustomed to a few luxuries while he was gone and now that he is coming back i'm afraid that losing them will be extremely hard to do. i guess i could have prepared better for this but honestly i've been putting back for my video equipment, no one is helping me with any of the projects i'm working on so i'm focused on doing this all myself. i just hate that the economy is so tight, i was willing to get a second job but quickly realized that i'm not willing to give up certain freedoms.

is it wrong that i don't like to live by the rules? or that i hate restrictions? my ideal life is to be able to do what i want to do (under God's will of course) and not have to worry about breaking or following rules or being held back by anything. i just want to live my life to the fullest. i absolutely hate the 9-5 thing, its SO not me, but i do it because i know i have to...i have to give up something to get the reward i'm seeking, right? sometimes its just hard because mentally i know that i'm selling myself out by wasting time at these big corporations when i could be putting my creative talent to use. but i don't get paid to sit and write scripts, at least not yet. so right now i have to work just like everyone else until i'm able to pursue my dream with both feet on the ground.

*thinking "someone text me puhlease*

i don't know on my drive to work today i realized that everything that i have done in my past, career wise, has done nothing for my future...weird huh? like since i was 18 (23 now) i've been working at a large and well known corporation and that is literally my entire resume. at first i was okay with working there and pursuing a false goal, but once i reached that goal i got bored and wanted to move on. i tried to move on and ended up right back where i started, WTF man?!?! everyday i rack my brain trying to figure out my next move. yes, i know i have my 2yr plan that is currently in full affect, but dammit i can't wait 2yrs...i might not even be here in 2yrs, so why wait? i'm all about taking risks...so idk i'm just ready for that opportunity of a lifetime. you know everyone gets the chance of a lifetime to make a difference, some of us see it and some of us don't...i'm not trying to miss my chance to do something great.

i was watching the britney special "for the record" last night on mtv and it inspired me in some weird way. just watching her inspired me to make a move, even when i was watching keyshia cole "the way it is" on bet her story inspired me...heck even my girl beyonce has been inspiring me lately. i don't know i have so many inspirations coming my way, i just need to light the fire and get moving...

i have all the pieces to the puzzle, now i just have to put them together...

ahhhhh *sigh* putting my life into perspective is getting easier...one day at a time i suppose...one day at a time...

good nite folks

No comments: