aww the joys of NOT being in love..

ok so i lied..there isn't really a joy that comes with not being in love. i have been single for almost 2 years, wow freaking crazy. of course i have dated in between, but no one has come close to stealing my heart away. at first i was content with being single because i felt like i needed to regain my independence. i was in a long relationship..3 years to be exact and it was quite the roller coaster ride. but after it was done i felt relieved, like i had been locked up for years and finally got a key to freedom. i also was excited because i would finally get the chance to actually live the life of a young 20 something. but now that i have partied for the last couple years and my 23rd birthday is fastly approaching i am starting to feel super lonely. and i hate that feeling. i start throwing myself at guys that i know don't want me but i still do it because of the attention. i find myself reminiscing about my past relationship, i even called my ex to try to rebuild a friendship. crazy i know.

i am SO ready for love, why is it hiding from me??? i love that song by india arie, it's like she is speaking the words that are deep in my soul.

now that i have matured into the cool, chic 22 year old that i am today i know exactly what i want. i have it down from the style to the laugh. i am done with accepting the unneccessary disrespect that i allowed myself to receive. i am done letting men have their way with me just because i want their attention. i am too good for that.

hmm i wonder if this is too much to ask?

height: 6ft or taller
weight: don't care about numbers. just be healthy, stocky not skinny (whaat, a girl likes a lil meat on them bones too)
ethnicity: preferably black, but i don't care..love comes in different flavors.
hair: i love a man with locks (of course the well kept ones, not into the whole rasta look), but if you don't have them it's okay..just have some hair..not into baldys.
style: a mix between justin timberlake, will smith, and jay z.
personality: since i am outgoing and spunky i want someone who is shy but not quite, energetic, spontaneous, a natural communitcator, charasmatic, and sincere. oh yea i almost forgot he has to have a love for art and have a good sense of humor.
career: since i am totally into art and more creative channels, i would love for my future boyfriend to work within the creative art industry..whether it be as an artist or a journalist..it doesn't matter just as long as its not your typical corporate bull-ish.

so all in all i don't think that's too much to ask for. i have faith that i will find this man, i know he's out there somewhere.

i just can't wait to be in love again. i miss the feeling. i forgot what it feels like to actually be in love and have someone in love with you. its so weird how that feeling just disappears from your life without warning. i remember the first time i realized i wasn't in love anymore with my ex. it was the weirdest thing. seriously. i sat down for hours trying to force myself to feel that spark again, but i couldn't. all i could do was say " oh my gosh i don't love him anymore" and it felt weird coming out my mouth..but it was the truth.

i just hate the thought that i may never find that love that i'm looking for. so i try to always keep focused and believe whole heartedly that he will find me. i need him so badly right now. i miss cuddling at night. i miss kissing. i haven't been kissed in SO long and that's not an understatement. i think i may have forgotten how to kiss. wow, i can't believe i just admitted that. i miss going on dates. true story i have never been asked out on a "real" date. usually things just end up heading straight for the bedroom. but i don't get down like that, so those who try always leave with a case of the blue balls. i miss everything about being in love and having a boyfriend.

one day in the near future i will be updating this to say that i found him. but until then, i will continue to share my stories.

ok this is super long now.
i digress.

oh yea check me out on youtube.

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