sibling love

so it's officially been 1 week since my little big brother left for the marines basic training. He is supposed to be back sometime in December. I can't believe its only been a week, i swear it seems like its been 2 months already. The first night he left we got a phone call from him, my mom said that all she heard was the officers in the background yelling at them and telling them what to say. He pretty much was allowed to tell us that he had made it to san deigo and that the next time we would hear from him would be in 2 weeks via a written letter. so that means that next week we should get a letter from him. i hope that he's doing okay, my brother is totally opposite from me so i know he's fine. i would seriously start crying if someone was yelling at me, i am just not agressive at all and i hate being yelled at. my brother is extremly nonchalant about everything, so i know if they are being agressive with him he won't show any emotion until he's alone. i can't imagine 3 months without seeing my brother. its weird how you never really know how much you will miss someone until they are actually gone. i mean i knew i would miss him, but i didn't think it would be that much. i find myself checking out his vids on youtube they make me laugh but then i have the sudden urge to cry. its just weird not hearing his voice or seeing his face like in front of me. goodness i'm such a girl, i am like literally tearing up as i type. so let's move on...


why is everyone iggin me?

okay, random! my views on this blog have sky-rocketed...who the hell is reading this thing and NOT leaving comments?!?

anyways, I must say that the last 3 weeks have been rather interesting as far as people and relationships go. i am kind of bothered, i mentioned it to my bestie...she told me that maybe people are just busy. but i see it as straight up bitchassness mixed in with a little fakeness. let me explain...so for the last 3 weeks i've been reaching out to people, you know saying hi, asking how they are and i have yet to receive one response. so that has me feeling like people are ignoring me and that they don't like me. now i'm not one to really give a damn whether someone likes me or not...it doesn't really matter to me because at the end of the day i'm here to please myself and God. the problem that i'm having is these people are doing for no reason as far as i'm concerned. no one has approached me and said anything to me along the lines as why they may be upset with me. it just irks me to the pit of my soul because it takes me back to my school days when i was picked on, outcasted by the black kids, teased and rejected by every person i tried to get close to. now back then i had no confidence and i hated myself...so its a little different. if this were to happen 7 years ago i would have been like everyone hates me i wanna crawl in a ball and die. but now i'm like fuck them for hating for no reason...its dumb. i'm so over this little kid shit, people are sensitive...they see some words on the computer screen take it to heart without really understanding the emotion behind it. like i tell everyone "IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME LET ME KNOW, YOU WILL NOT HURT MY DAMN FEELINGS"!

one thing that i pride myself on is calling out bullshit and right now i smell it and i'm ready to call these people out. i don't understand why people ignore and hate on me. i am too nice and too inviting to have people simply turn their back to me. i need a reason! and it's not just the people that i hang out with who are ignoring me, it seems like everyone and their mama is. it's so weird.

my favorite lil wayne lyric:
"i got summer hating on me because i'm hotter than the sun, got spring hating on me because i ain't never sprung, winter hating on me because i'm colder than y'all and i will never i will never i will never fall....i'm being hated by the seasons so fuck y'all who hating for no reason"

that describes my life right now....enough said.