letter to myself

dear me,

how are you? fine i hope. i know things aren't the way you want them right now, but don't worry better days are in the near future for you. one suggestion, you need to calm down. last night was too much and it showed a side of you that people have never seen. remember the first rule of being you? never let anyone see you at your worst. but it's okay people make mistakes. just know that everyone will probaly be talking about you behind your back for a while. you can expect fakeness and a lot of random stares. its ok though, just smile.

life has so many unexpected turns and a lot of ups and downs. right now you are on your down period, but no worries because you will be back up really soon. just keep thinking positive. stay focused on your priorites. slow down on the partying. and most importantly just be you.

stop trying so hard to get people to like you. they can see through the act. there is no need to be extra, if they don't like you for your natural goodness..fcuk them. you are a super cool girl. yes its true that you are misunderstood and that none of the people that you consider a friend really know the real you. but that's your fault for portraying something that you are not. you have to realize that people react to what they see. just calm down and relax. take a couple deep breaths and the real you will slowly come out.

you know i love you.


what a nite! 6.28.08

first off. welcome to my blog. this is my first entry on here...
so let's get to the juicy stuff...mmk?!

last nite started off like a typical friday nite. i went to meet up with my friends, had a couple shots and then we were off to the club. the only thing that was different, i drank e&j..which is a blended brandy..i think it may have hennesy in it, but i'm not sure. anyways. just a lil background. i can't drink hennesy, southern comfort, and now i guess brandy too...they all make me super emotional, angry, and violent.

now back to the story.

so we are at the club, everything is fine and dandy. i started to feel super left out, so i walked out the club to get some air. i ended up stumbling over to the car and just sitting there waiting until everyone came out. then i started crying. and i mean seriously boo-hooing. and it was for no reason at all. i was just crying. finally my friends come out and they see me sitting on the sidewalk crying my eyes out, so their intial thought was that someone did something to me. so then they like started trying to get me up and put me in the car but like i said that dark shit makes me violent so i started pushing them away. they were doing a lil extra. like they were seriously attracting attention to me and it was not necessary. anyways. after a lil scuffle they get me in the car, but i exited out the other door. and went to sit on the wall. they found me and back into the car i went. as we were driving off, this violent energy ran through my body and i started pounding on the window and trying to get out the car. everyone in the car was screaming at me to shut up, which made matters worse. so then i started calling everyone bitches and whatnot..lol..too much. and then i started crying AGAIN. long story short, i think i broke my hand from pounding on the window..and the funny part about all of this, all i wanted was a phone. i just needed to make a phone call and no one would let me use their phone. oh wells. moral of the story, stay away from dark liquor! no more shots for me. next time i'm at the bar, its going to be water on the rocks for me. :)