ran-dumb-ness

so its 4:10am and i'm still not sleep.

argh! i feel another bout of insomnia coming on. i need for this thing i'm waiting on to come through. i'm praying that i get it, i feel like it's mine already. i hope i find out later today, if not then on tuesday. i need some good news in my world, something to keep the motivation going.

so the olympics came to an end last night. so sad. now i'm like trying to figure out what i want to watch on the tube. it's weird how as i get older i stop watching tv. there is really nothing substantial on nowadays. the only days that i really watch tv are the days when my fave shows are on and i literally only watch tv for the hour they are on and then i am back on the computer or off doing other things. but when the olympics was on i was up every night watching like every event...so now i'm stuck in that mode and i want so badly to watch tv but there ain't nothing good on. wth man.

i know fall is coming because its starting to get lighter outside after 5am. :(

so starting next scratch that this sunday i'm going back to church. i have mixed feelings on this and will probaly do a separate blog on the topic. now i love the Lord and i believe in God, but its just the idea of church that drives me insane. i like the principal of it but its just that so much hypocritcizm (is that even a word?) and gossip goes on that it turns me off. but my mom and brother have talked the church up so i figure i'll give it a shot.

i'm still doing good on my abstinate stance. i don't know what the correct term is abstinence or celibacy, but in any case i'm still doing great. yay for no sex! lol. for reals, i cannot believe how taboo HIV/AIDS is in the black community, yet it is the #1 killer in black women between 25-30...freaking crazy. i'm just trying to mind my p's and q's and stay on top of my shit. if i'm going to have sex please believe its condom or no pussy okkkkkaaaaaaay!

ok its now 4:30am.
nite nite or shall i say good mornig. hehe

men..enough said.

men are so freaking confusing!

true story.
so i was online last night and i got a message from my friend. now we had a IM conversation earlier last week about an issue that he was having and i told him that i would try to help him because i do care about him and i consider him a friend so it was no biggie. well anyways, we were chatting on Yahoo IM about his current situation and he had told me that he was depressed so i tried to give him some positive words of encourgement. well as we were chatting about his situation, he randomly made a comment about how he missed me. (a little background, me and this guy have been close for about a year and some change, he was the first dude that i sorta dated after me and my ex broke up). i was thrown off by this because i thought that he had a girlfriend, i mean according to his myspace he was in love and happy. so for him to miss me made me think, either he is trying to be nice because i'm going to help him or his girl ain't handling business like she should be. but anyways, after he told me that he missed me he went on to tell me how i can call him anytime and that i shouldn't be afraid to call him...it was an interesting convo. it kind of made me smile, but i dunno...i'm not trying to get caught up with him again. i'm on a new path and i'm trying to keep that relationship strickly friends.

now the other confusing man in my life is my "vegas boo"...he is a peice of work. now i've only been talking to him for about 5 or 6 months, but i like him. he makes me smile. he lives in vegas, and we were able to get some down time when i visited back in july. we have similiar personalities...well at least in the sarcastic department, guess its a libra thing. lol yes, he's a libra too. but that was what initially drew me to him, i am a very sarcastic person and usually men are thrown off by that because they assume that i am being rude or argumentative. but he was the only one who can handle it and throw it back at me. so i love it. and we have a lot of similiar interest...so we get along. he even asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend...i left it unanswered because of the distance thing...but the problem with that is that we act like we are closer than what we actually are. so a couple nights ago we were chatting on yahoo and he was telling me about this chick who is feeling him and whatnot so he like brought up the fact that he didn't like her but he had kissed her and would consider having sex with her...so i was trying to not show my feelings and be supportive since i haven't claimed him as my man...but then i told him that i was sad and would be hurt if he did do the whole fuck buddy thing with her...so he responds back telling me that if its going to hurt me he won't go through with it and then he was like she's not his type and blah blah blah...so i was like that's sweet...but not sure if he was being honest. i mean i don't care if he were to do it because i'm not down there to take care of him, not even sure when i'm going back..and we haven't confirmed our relationship so its like whatever. but i do like him, so i'm willing to take a couple steps back and let things take its course. so for right now we are friends and thats enough for me. :)

blah...that's a lot of sharing. lol

men are confusing but i love them.