missin you

i can't believe that i may not see you or talk to you for 2 whole months, i wish i there was more that i could do...unfortunatley i'm stuck. but i miss you, this past weekend i did my best to keep my mind off of you, but of course your laugh and your voice kept creeping back into my mind. the last time i saw you everything was perfect, but i could sense your uncertainty for the events that were to take place the next day. i did my best to keep your mind off it and i tried so hard to just be a good friend. i knew that i was probaly not going to see you for a while after dinner that night, but i stayed strong for you.

gosh i just want to see you right now, i just wish that i could call you right now. as much as i am trying to stay strong i'm feeling so helpless....

i want to do more...i need to do more...

like i always tell you, i will do anything for you...

stay strong, think positive...i love you


i am finally comfortable with being natural...its a great feeling. i feel completly liberated, i have finally come to the realization that its not about hair...its how you rock it. what i mean by that is that you have to have confidence and when you don't it shows. this past weekend i pretty much threw caution to the wind and rocked my kinky curly fro, i felt so good for the first time in a long time. this weekend i got more compliments from random people then i have since going natural 10 months ago. its nuts! i think its the fact that i am comfortable with being different that people are attracted too. its funny because my brothers have always said that i look like jill scott, i don't see it but i guess others do...i got so many "i see you boo, doin it big gettin yo jill scott on" lol hilarious. i just laugh because i'm just like i'm tryin to do ME...but i feel good about it.

i'm happy that i'm finally accepting myself and working with my natural beauty and just in time for my vegas trip. dude the last time i went to vegas i was so caught up in the whole having to look bomb dot com that i lost myself. i was so easily convinced that my hair wasn't good enough to rock natural in vegas so i straightend my hair and wore a ponytail, and i tried to fit in but at the end of the day i felt like a sellout to myself. so this time around i'm going to do me and i don't care if people hate it or love it.

i know i'm beautiful and i finally believe it. after years of self doubt which stemmed from bad realationships and rejection from my younger years...im free because i LOVE me!

vegas pt.2

ok so me and my bestest friend in the whole entire universe are going to sin city this weekend! i'm so excited because it was completly at random and spontaneous. this time around we are mos def going to do things right, the last time we went it was fun but so unorganized. i don't know i'm a stickler for having an agenda/intinerary when traveling, it just keeps you on schedule and you can have more fun because you know your options. i'm just really excited to see my vegas boo and introduce him to my bff, im excited to go to some shows and just let loose and have fun.

the thing i love about vegas is that you can be someone else for the weekend, its like you can really live out loud...the environment down there is just like whoa, the lights, the people, the gambling, the shows, the celebs...man its just the greatest place on earth next to the south of france...but damn i'm excited.

Shady People

ok, so this is a slightly unedited continuation from my "quick rant" blog on myspace.

shady people are just on a whole notha level, like seriously how can you flat out be two faced. i have never understood that, its like you will say stuff to me that leads me to believe one thing and then when i see you out and about you will be the biggest douche ever. not so sure what thats all about, and i swear i thought we squashed that...but i guess you my friend still have issues.

i just hate feeling like i'm a bug a boo, when i'm the least clingy person you will ever meet. why do you think guys love me so much...i'm real and i give people their space. so when you have me thinking one thing and then you do some questionable shit its like damn are you for serious? ahhh, i just don't know what to think anymore.

this whole situation makes me feel like you are sizing me up, like you have to make sure i'm in the "in" crowd before you can actually take the time to get to know me. i hate when people do some elementary shit like that. i'm not begging you to be my friend/aquaintance...whatever you want to call it...shit i'm cool by my damn self. i love the people who are in my life right now...maybe you think i'm like obsessed with you or something, i dont know. but i feel like this, all my life i have been teased, made fun of, put down, rejected by my own damn people and others...so you igging me and acting hella shading is nothing new, been there done that and quite frankly i dont have time for it. i'm a nice person, a real human with feelings and emotions...im sorry i'm not that model chick but damn i haven't had any complaints so far. i am just over the whole thing...like this feels like a game to me...cat and mouse...tom and jerry type shit.

IDK, i just think people take my text and calls as more than what they are worth, you know...i think people assume that i'm like in love with them when i'm not...trust me if you were worth that much of my heart you would already know by now.

*sigh* i'm just going to continue to do me and when you decide that you are done rolling in that shady ass mud then you hit me up and let me know what's good.

i digress

*disclaimer* please do not sit at your computer and try to figure out who this is about, i'm not naming anyone, not even tryin to call anyone out, and you most likely don't know them. don't assume that you know, if you are curious just ask!