Sex & Celibacy

this post is only for the mature audiences.
lol
just kidding.

ok so i am currently in a zone(not the word i wanted to use, just couldn't think of anything better) where i am not wanting to have sex with anyone. i guess you could say that i am celibate until i find the right person. its weird how the dice land sometimes. what i mean by that is, last year after me and mk broke up i went through this phase of being a "player". i was dating a few guys at one time, and i broke a lot of my personal rules. i think it was because i was lonely and vulnerable after the break up and i let a lot of guys pass before even taking the exam (bad metaphor, i knw). although there were 2 main people that i dealt with on a regular basis, things seemed fine..that is until i checked back into reality. this year has been a lot better. i am comfortable with who i am so i no longer am in that vulnerable state of mind where i don't care what happens.

this year i have been intimate with 3 people total...2 were people who are close to my heart (meaning, i have a relationship that's longer than 6months with them) and one was out of drunkenness and immaturity) i haven't had sex for a month now and i'm planning on keeping it that way. i know i can do it, the longest i've went without it is 5 months..so this will be easy! i mean sex is a beautiful thing, but what's more important to me is that i am doing it with the right person and for the right reasons.

true story. i really don't like sex, it only feels good to me if i am doing it with someone who i truly have feelings for. but i am an extremly sexual person. weird, right?

i feel comfortable taking this step into celibacy because i feel like i have done it, and i know what i want. i don't want some random guy to have access to my goodies when i'm not going to get anything but 2 minutes of oh and aw in return. and i ain't trying to run up the miles on ms.kitty. lol

the next person that i have sex with will be someone who i am 100% committed to and who i will love wholeheartedly.

plus i'm not to keen on the idea of catching a STD. there are so many diseases going around and it seems like the numbers expand daily. no one is invisible from contracting some type of STD. i don't want to catch HIV or anything of that nature..that's something you can't get rid of (altho, i believe there is a cure and the government is holding out).

so the moral of this long story: sex is a wonderful thing when you are in love.

my mission: to refrain from all sexual activity, until i find love again.