I'm acting Young now...

OMG men are so freaking ri-damn-donkulous!

okay okay lemme explain..

so my "friend" hits me up yesterday via Yahoo IM, he asks me how work was going and i told him everything was fine but i was feeling slightly distracted. So he asks me why and what is distracting me...i didn't want to tell him because i really didn't feel the need to disclose to him my sexual frustrations. so i told him it was nothing and that i didn't want to talk about it..so he of course gets upset and doesnt talk to me for the rest of the day.

today comes along and i get a text from him asking me if i'm still trippin, so i'm all confused and ask him what he's talking about..he then proceeds to tell me that he is 25 and i was acting young!?! dude serious, young? the fuck! i was upset, but i didn't let it show...i simply told him that i never thought of my reaction as being "young" and i explained to him why i held back. i added a little joke in there which lightened the mood...now i'm assuming things are kosher between us, but honestly who knows..he is super duper confusing.

now he's like texting me like we never had a lil dispute..its weird. one minute u are mad at me and the next you are loving me...make up ya mind!

sometimes i ask myself if this is all worth it, a part of me is screaming YES and the other half is say RUN far far away...so i'm simply torn...

*sigh*

Love, Life, & Men

So my life and love have not been on the same page lately...seems like everything i touch turns to dust right before my eyes.

Mentally I am at the same place I was a couple months ago, ready for love and ready for a new adventure. Well an old flame decided to waltz back into my life and stirred up all sorts of emotions. I found myself getting quickly attached and falling hard for his mind games. I was just so happy that he came back to me after a few lonely months apart. I was so happy to find out that him and her didn't work out. Over the last couple months he has quickly made his way to the top of my priority list, catering to every need that he has. At first I thought it was a good thing, an answered prayer...I thought he was the one that I'd been waiting for. But then of course with all good things that happen to me follows a heart breaking blow to my reality.

One night in my drunken stuper (after a hard night of partying with my friends) I decided it would be a great idea to confess my love for him via text message. The next morning I just knew that I had done something stupid so I checked my messages and read what I had sent him. Oh was I embarassed. I quickly called him to apologize and explain myself and of course being the gentleman that he is, he told me not to worry about it and that it was okay. So i tried to let it go, but i couldn't help but wonder how he felt about me. So i kept pressing the issue and never really got the answer i was looking for, heck i didn't even get an answer at all.

so now i'm wondering should i stick around or just let it go...

every time i mess up he seems to punish me by ignoring me, but every time i come through for him he showers me with praise. He is full of mixed emotions and gives off confused vibes.

when it comes to him i really don't know what to do...its been almost 2yrs and i feel like we have come a long way, but we are still so far from everything we want.

hmmph

i digress

men..enough said.

men are so freaking confusing!

true story.
so i was online last night and i got a message from my friend. now we had a IM conversation earlier last week about an issue that he was having and i told him that i would try to help him because i do care about him and i consider him a friend so it was no biggie. well anyways, we were chatting on Yahoo IM about his current situation and he had told me that he was depressed so i tried to give him some positive words of encourgement. well as we were chatting about his situation, he randomly made a comment about how he missed me. (a little background, me and this guy have been close for about a year and some change, he was the first dude that i sorta dated after me and my ex broke up). i was thrown off by this because i thought that he had a girlfriend, i mean according to his myspace he was in love and happy. so for him to miss me made me think, either he is trying to be nice because i'm going to help him or his girl ain't handling business like she should be. but anyways, after he told me that he missed me he went on to tell me how i can call him anytime and that i shouldn't be afraid to call him...it was an interesting convo. it kind of made me smile, but i dunno...i'm not trying to get caught up with him again. i'm on a new path and i'm trying to keep that relationship strickly friends.

now the other confusing man in my life is my "vegas boo"...he is a peice of work. now i've only been talking to him for about 5 or 6 months, but i like him. he makes me smile. he lives in vegas, and we were able to get some down time when i visited back in july. we have similiar personalities...well at least in the sarcastic department, guess its a libra thing. lol yes, he's a libra too. but that was what initially drew me to him, i am a very sarcastic person and usually men are thrown off by that because they assume that i am being rude or argumentative. but he was the only one who can handle it and throw it back at me. so i love it. and we have a lot of similiar interest...so we get along. he even asked me if i wanted to be his girlfriend...i left it unanswered because of the distance thing...but the problem with that is that we act like we are closer than what we actually are. so a couple nights ago we were chatting on yahoo and he was telling me about this chick who is feeling him and whatnot so he like brought up the fact that he didn't like her but he had kissed her and would consider having sex with her...so i was trying to not show my feelings and be supportive since i haven't claimed him as my man...but then i told him that i was sad and would be hurt if he did do the whole fuck buddy thing with her...so he responds back telling me that if its going to hurt me he won't go through with it and then he was like she's not his type and blah blah blah...so i was like that's sweet...but not sure if he was being honest. i mean i don't care if he were to do it because i'm not down there to take care of him, not even sure when i'm going back..and we haven't confirmed our relationship so its like whatever. but i do like him, so i'm willing to take a couple steps back and let things take its course. so for right now we are friends and thats enough for me. :)

blah...that's a lot of sharing. lol

men are confusing but i love them.

why do boys like to play games?

oh boy, i can see some trouble on the horizon coming my way.

don't you just hate when theres that one guy who just never seems to go away? as much as i love this dude, he is nothing but trouble. he seems to come in and out of my life just when he needs me the most. its hard because we were never in a "real" relationship, but it was a relationship...he was the first guy that i dated after me and mk split. and its like this love/hate type of thing. i've always given him everything that he wanted and i'm always there for him, but he's just not the guy that i should be wasting time on. we always go back and forth...like he always gets mad at me for no reason then he will turn around and want to be my friend again.

he's so confusing.

so recently he has been hitting me up like non stop and i know for a fact that he is going through some gf drama...so i can't help but feel like he is hitting me up on some rebound shit. how stupid do i look? i don't know man, like i have so much love for him but i just don't have the patience to put up with his games.

well at least i can honestly say that i am 100% over him and i will never fall for any of his games again.