back on top

..so in continuation with my last post, i'm now back on good...no scratch that GREAT terms with the mystery man. So we went out to dinner tonight and it was so much fun, when i'm with him i completly loose track of time and i'm just in this fantasy world. i absoloutely love the way he makes me feel. we always have the best conversation and i don't know the connection between us is mos def there. i just wish i was much clearer on his feelings...like i'm pretty good at reading people and he seems so perfect but he still has me confused. i just don't want to end up looking like a fool. he knows how i feel, so i don't know why he's holding back.

*sigh*

OMG my peircing hurts SO bad right now. i just want to pull it out but i can't...i'm tired of my monroe...i'm going to take it out before the end of this month and get my bottom lip pierced instead.

sorry, i totally got off track. but yea, when i'm with him life is perfect. it's weird because i love being affectionate...you know kissing and cuddling, but i will only do it with certain guys. i have to have a true emotional connection with you to even get that close, is that weird? *sigh* i don't know, i just feel like kissing is so personal, its like the person can just suck your sould right out and capture your heart in a split second. but with the mystery guy i just want to pounce on him and give him a long, passionate kiss. he is the second guy that i've ever wanted to kiss, i'm so serious about that. i've only kissed one guy (passionatly tounge and all) in my life and that was my ex, so you can kind of see how serious i take this. kissing and cuddling is just that special to me. i want to kiss him so badly, but dammit i can't, at least not until i know how he feels...

blah enough about that.

dinner was wonderful and so is he.........

I'm acting Young now...

OMG men are so freaking ri-damn-donkulous!

okay okay lemme explain..

so my "friend" hits me up yesterday via Yahoo IM, he asks me how work was going and i told him everything was fine but i was feeling slightly distracted. So he asks me why and what is distracting me...i didn't want to tell him because i really didn't feel the need to disclose to him my sexual frustrations. so i told him it was nothing and that i didn't want to talk about it..so he of course gets upset and doesnt talk to me for the rest of the day.

today comes along and i get a text from him asking me if i'm still trippin, so i'm all confused and ask him what he's talking about..he then proceeds to tell me that he is 25 and i was acting young!?! dude serious, young? the fuck! i was upset, but i didn't let it show...i simply told him that i never thought of my reaction as being "young" and i explained to him why i held back. i added a little joke in there which lightened the mood...now i'm assuming things are kosher between us, but honestly who knows..he is super duper confusing.

now he's like texting me like we never had a lil dispute..its weird. one minute u are mad at me and the next you are loving me...make up ya mind!

sometimes i ask myself if this is all worth it, a part of me is screaming YES and the other half is say RUN far far away...so i'm simply torn...

*sigh*

missin you

i can't believe that i may not see you or talk to you for 2 whole months, i wish i there was more that i could do...unfortunatley i'm stuck. but i miss you, this past weekend i did my best to keep my mind off of you, but of course your laugh and your voice kept creeping back into my mind. the last time i saw you everything was perfect, but i could sense your uncertainty for the events that were to take place the next day. i did my best to keep your mind off it and i tried so hard to just be a good friend. i knew that i was probaly not going to see you for a while after dinner that night, but i stayed strong for you.

gosh i just want to see you right now, i just wish that i could call you right now. as much as i am trying to stay strong i'm feeling so helpless....

i want to do more...i need to do more...

like i always tell you, i will do anything for you...

stay strong, think positive...i love you