S-I-N-G-L-E

*whoo-friggin-hooo* i'm on a roll, huh? lol

so i've been single for what, 2yrs and um 2months? something like that, but hey whose counting anyways!!

I'm officially over it, and by that i mean I am done with online dating, with trying to get a man, with searching high and low only to get a door slammed in my face...as much as i hate being single, i hate dating even more. its such a drag, i've had 2 great dates and i actually ended up liking both guys...but something weird happened with one where he just randomly decided he didn't like me and the other, oh i don't know its totally up in the air...

sometimes i lay in bed at night reminicing about how it was when i was with my ex...and thats bad. i never want to have flashbacks of previous relationships but that's the only thing that i have to keep me sane when i'm feeling lonely and unwanted. then there are times when i try so hard to settle my mind down at night but my thoughts keep racing around the same things "will i be single forever", "will i ever fall in love again", "will i always be just an after thought", "whats wrong with me"...i hate questioning my existence, but its so hard when i've only had one serious relationship and the rest were just guys in between who meant nothing and contributed only hurt and pain...

blah. i know that this isnt attractive, but everyone deserves one of these days.

So yes, i hate being single and i want nothing more than to share my time with another human being. Love is not on my side, but one day it will be....i just know it!

single again?

ahh another love post. sorry its on my mind, can't help it.

so after i the incident that happened today with that guy and his lies. i just thought about how lucky and happy that girl is to have him. even though he is a liar and a lil player..i know she is happy. i was looking at the pictures that she put up of them and i almost cried..like my heart literally dropped. i found it odd that hours before he was hitting me up trying to get back in my world. i hate how when you fall for someone, something always comes along and fucks it up...well maybe that just happens to me..i dunno.

i just remember the first time i met him, i had this feeling like i knew he was going to be a constant figure in my life. we just clicked. things just went so smoothly, even when we had arguments we still were able to kiss and make up. even though its only been a year and 3 months since we started talking, my feelings grew so much over time. i still have love for him in my heart. its weird because last year i was talking to a few guys, but this guy was at the top of the list always..he always got my full attention and i pretty much dropped the other dudes like flies..but i kept him close. he just has something that draws me to him. he's like a drug, i knw its bad but i can't help but have it. he makes me smile and laugh..and he gives the best hugs in the world. he listens to me and helps me when i need advice. hes actually a good friend. he knows how i feel about him and i know how he feels about me, but i can't help but hate the fact that he lies so much to the people that care for him the most. its okay i guess i will find someone new to obsess over soon enough.

i just hate the void in my heart that i have. theres nothing like being in love with another human being. and living the single life is great, but it gets old. once you've been in love and been in a long relationship you understand how precious it is. even though i am done with the whole online dating thing, i can say that it works if you want to find someone who is only out for that quick fix.

i am not your traditional girl, but i like traditional things. i don't mind asking a guy out, i've done it before..i don't mind being the first to call and paying for a night out. but every now and then i do enjoy being wined and dined but i guess it will come with time. whenever i feel like this one song replays in my head over and over again and that's india arie's song "ready for love". it's a beautiful song, the lyrics are exactly what my heart feels. i have been in love before, but lost it..and now i'm ready to find it again. i just don't know where to go and i hate when people say that you meet someone when you least expect it...it may be true for some but i haven't actively looked for a man in months and i'm still single.

honestly i think it's because of the misinterpretation that men have on black women. black women get such a bad rap. and i don't understand why, because everyone is different. we are not all the same. i think i'm going to continue this in the next blog.....see you there