I'm acting Young now...

OMG men are so freaking ri-damn-donkulous!

okay okay lemme explain..

so my "friend" hits me up yesterday via Yahoo IM, he asks me how work was going and i told him everything was fine but i was feeling slightly distracted. So he asks me why and what is distracting me...i didn't want to tell him because i really didn't feel the need to disclose to him my sexual frustrations. so i told him it was nothing and that i didn't want to talk about it..so he of course gets upset and doesnt talk to me for the rest of the day.

today comes along and i get a text from him asking me if i'm still trippin, so i'm all confused and ask him what he's talking about..he then proceeds to tell me that he is 25 and i was acting young!?! dude serious, young? the fuck! i was upset, but i didn't let it show...i simply told him that i never thought of my reaction as being "young" and i explained to him why i held back. i added a little joke in there which lightened the mood...now i'm assuming things are kosher between us, but honestly who knows..he is super duper confusing.

now he's like texting me like we never had a lil dispute..its weird. one minute u are mad at me and the next you are loving me...make up ya mind!

sometimes i ask myself if this is all worth it, a part of me is screaming YES and the other half is say RUN far far away...so i'm simply torn...

*sigh*

Love, Life, & Men

So my life and love have not been on the same page lately...seems like everything i touch turns to dust right before my eyes.

Mentally I am at the same place I was a couple months ago, ready for love and ready for a new adventure. Well an old flame decided to waltz back into my life and stirred up all sorts of emotions. I found myself getting quickly attached and falling hard for his mind games. I was just so happy that he came back to me after a few lonely months apart. I was so happy to find out that him and her didn't work out. Over the last couple months he has quickly made his way to the top of my priority list, catering to every need that he has. At first I thought it was a good thing, an answered prayer...I thought he was the one that I'd been waiting for. But then of course with all good things that happen to me follows a heart breaking blow to my reality.

One night in my drunken stuper (after a hard night of partying with my friends) I decided it would be a great idea to confess my love for him via text message. The next morning I just knew that I had done something stupid so I checked my messages and read what I had sent him. Oh was I embarassed. I quickly called him to apologize and explain myself and of course being the gentleman that he is, he told me not to worry about it and that it was okay. So i tried to let it go, but i couldn't help but wonder how he felt about me. So i kept pressing the issue and never really got the answer i was looking for, heck i didn't even get an answer at all.

so now i'm wondering should i stick around or just let it go...

every time i mess up he seems to punish me by ignoring me, but every time i come through for him he showers me with praise. He is full of mixed emotions and gives off confused vibes.

when it comes to him i really don't know what to do...its been almost 2yrs and i feel like we have come a long way, but we are still so far from everything we want.

hmmph

i digress